"We all got it,
everybody who was involved, the complete catastrophe!
They didn’t give a damn about who did what."

 

Widmer

we’ll see about that.

can’t even say I’m looking forward to it.

Ellen’s going to pick up. said I shouldn’t expect too much.

yeah, but she shouldn’t make such a fuss. she knows I want to get to the boy. have to get to him. she’s scared shitless. as though she still had something to lose.

but: all my respect, Ellen! at least you still showed up. and these past few months even more frequently. most important person. and ever more punctually. you know that, don’t you. you register five minutes late, you get ten minutes less time to talk. enforcer person.

was more than enough as it was lately, in the past I could deal better with these little stories from outside. not to lose the sense of belonging. didn’t know what she was really talking about. understood all right. couldn’t place it anywhere, though. far away. sentimental. increasing interest lately, brutal. still wants something from me. or again.

tobacco chocolate bunch of flowers. thanks. no need of them. all available here in the clink. book list to check off, Red Aid. what does she see in me anyhow. cow. new jogging shoes. thanks, cow. rehabilitation cow. 

surprise in the kitchen cupboard, exciting. the kitchen cupboard’s the surprise. cupboard in kitchen. thus, kitchen. thus, living room. and toilet. showerbathtubswimmingpool.

apartment door. door open, door shut. doors open, shut, open, shut. own key. master of the house. in, out. light on, out. window open, window shut. dosey dosey doh. snow. king. don’t get too rollicking. shut up.

hatch open. hatch shut. will the rhythm leave you. how long does it take. if at all. light on, light out, but not like you want. legally ensured unlegislated area. little things.

run far. stitches in the side. unimaginable. out of shape. started too late. meaning wasn’t really clear.

scared as hell. tough. staying in contact all those years. all the letters, and nothing comes back.

we’ll see, we’ll see. boy-oh boy, boy-oh boy.

maybe he won’t ask anything at all. doesn’t matter, so I’ve got to talk. just needs time. the right moment.

but have got to. not like daddy, who always got real quiet when I asked about ol’ Adolf. concealing. hushing up. glorifying. stepfather. peace-holding pig. not like that. letter father. tough truth. only for the boy.

others probably have a right to know, too. maybe later. difficult. I’m scared as hell.

scared too when they put the old man six feet under. out for the first time. the old faces. after all these years. wow, did they gawk. who’s scared shitless here. yeah, sure, the boy has amounted to a lot.

to come to the funeral with the boy. something else Pocke couldn’t manage. too far to travel. that I still get so damn angry about it. viciously angry.

missed opportunity, Pocke, missed opportunity. don’t I know it.

what she told him. all those years. THAT’S the version that would intrigue me.

honest to god, Pocke. when I find you. I really don’t know. on the other hand, I understand Ellen about the address.

don’t worry, though, Pocke. I’m completely calm now. have been thinking for many years. thought everything through to the end. everything. hardly.

well, Ellen, you’re late again. it’s about time, though. the mob outside.

und then.

that all remains to be seen.